Ash complex: when a woman chooses to give up her independence

Ash complex: when a woman chooses to give up her independence

He had seen us along the American psychotherapist colette dowling that in 1981 published the book “the ash complex: the hidden fear of women’s independence”. Yet dowling had already foreseen what was the risk of a passive and acritical vision or reading of this kind of fairy tale and for this I coined the expression “cinderella complex”. What is the ash complexwho suffers from this syndrome not only lives his life in perennial expectation of a blue prince, but especially in fear of independence.

“They are women, but it is not excluded that men may suffer from it, who have a complex of behaviors characterized by fear of independence and who have little, very little self-esteem” explains to the psychiatrist and psychotherapist rossella valdrè di “they stand in remissive attitudes and remain waiting for the prince to arrive with his shoes.” Because you become ashlike all that concerns psyche, the reason behind a certain behavior is always subjective, and changes from person to person.

But never as in this case can be called because of the cultural factors and of course the patriarchal system. “Children, especially in certain family contexts, are less encouraged to autonomy and also aggression. How often they say “you’re good, you’re a good girl.”

“in the phalcentric families, the males are more encouraged to the activity and to the conquest of some independence than the sisters. And also attention with nicknames: “can be affectionate to call your child ‘principes’, but let us avoid the child identifying with this definition. But this does not mean that they cannot be discarded or simply emptied of their value.

“It is necessary that the family and the school convey the importance of independence and autonomy. Ash syndrome and love relationsthose suffering from this complex will tend to attract a certain type of partner: “usually it is narcissists and manipulators. A woman who is afraid of independence is perfect for a man looking for a weaker subject.

And the risk is that these relationships are moved into relationships of economic and affective dependence.” Dysfunctional relationships that in the long term could be particularly difficult and painful. “it is not said to happen, a woman with this complex may also meet a affectionate partner, with whom to share a peer relationship.

How to recognize the ash complexfear of independence can be expressed in different ways. “Many girls refuse school, choose not to work, they can begin to suffer from disorders of food behavior.” From a social point of view, women choose to stay on the margins, not to expose themselves.

They never put themselves at the centre of the speech, never speak first person.” And then there is a total idealization of one’s own companion and they attribute to him all the value that they cannot recognize in themselves. “be abdicated to your desires, you forget your will: everything revolves around the partner.

How to overcome this complexworking to overcome a complex is never easy. “It is difficult to deal with this syndrome alone, without psychotherapist help. When this kind of relationship is established, some practical dynamics come into play, which are even harder to die.

Focusing, starting to take care of yourself and not just for others, starting to work on your self-esteem, are the first steps to do to work on your independence. Sometimes a writer, a poet, a philosopher, can become very good interlocutors and be useful to practice self-analysis and to open our minds”.